Notes About Torture Memos & I Won A Facebook Battle With This One Girl's Stupid Friend From Idaho

by Justin La Grange


I have this one friend -- who shall remain nameless -- who decided to post a link to an issue she knows absolutely nothing about, which in this case was regarding President Obama's so called "ban on torture of detainees". Had she actually read the literature on the so called "torture", she would have realized that five year olds in Hispanic households get "interrogated" and "punished" at least twice as fiercely as actual murderous terrorists -- who get treated to lawyers and five course meals in Guantanamo Bay. To add to outrage, only three of these terrorists were waterboarded, which coincidentally prevented a large terrorist attack in Los Angeles, a place this one girl does not care about. Apart from waterboarding, other "harsh interrogation techniques" included such atrocities as the "attention grab" -- a method by which you abruptly grab the terrorist's collar -- and the abdomen slap. An unspeakable form of "psychological duress" outlined in the Washington Independent's report included placing a caterpillar in one of the terrorist's cells -- or as it would be known among European lodging, a five star hotel -- and "deprivation of sleep", otherwise known as "college".

As usual, the United States is far behind other countries -- much to my dismay -- such as Saddam's Iraq, whose "harsh interrogation techniques" included such innovative things as "human into gigantic paper shredder", "stretch arms and legs until they detach at the bone", and "rape and kill".

Meanwhile, I immediately lambasted her for this post and demanded an explanation -- thinking in my head that so many exclamation marks are just sooooo freshman year! Instead of arguing, as this Girl knows she cannot win an argument with me, she deleted my comment -- which somewhat paralleled my remark above. However one of her friends, who shall remain nameless -- it's important to note he seems to be from Idaho and goes to Idaho State -- decided to lash out at me with a string of profanities fit for a pre-pubescent 14 year old. I responded back with some light humor that this guy unfortunately did not appreciate.

Here's what took place:

This One Girl
FINALLY!!!!!!!
AFP: Obama stands by ban on 'torture' of detainees
WASHINGTON (AFP) — President Barack Obama has staunchly defended his decision to ban harsh interrogation tactics of terror suspects, rejecting criticism that he had put the country at risk.

Myself
Paraphrase Paragraph 1, including critique for not responding.

Guy From Idaho
then maybe you shouldn't be an ass!

This One Girl
thanks! :)

Myself
Why do I get so much lip from your friends in Boise?

To Guy From Idaho's point, I'm not an ass. I'm simply calling out This One Girl for:
A. Her ridiculous commentary on her postings -- a lot of which knowing her personally is largely hypocritical.
B. Posting on issues in which she generally has no knowledge, headline knowledge ("torture") without analysis, or are filled with intonations so far to the left it makes her look bad.

I think This One Girl is better than that. If I didn't care, I would provide no critique and write it off.

Thank God Guy From Idaho didn't catch me in one of my anti-Idaho tirades.

Guy From Idaho
Maybe you just need to learn when to shut the fuck up? People are never perfect.

Myself
I think you need to learn to do what you folks do best...and that is cultivating potatoes. You can send me two bushels please.

People are not perfect Guy From Idaho, but with a little constructive criticism, they can come that much closer.

Other Girl That Chimes In
I hate to say this but you two are hilarious.

Guy From Idaho
It feels like im talking to a 5 year old. So, next week do you learn all the state capitals?

Myself
Seeing as how I went to Berkeley, I think we know who knows his capitals.

At this point, Guy From Idaho realized that I had just swept the floor with him and decided against humiliating himself further. If he wanted to humiliate himself John Edwards style, he would have challenged me to a state and global capitals contest.