My dear cousin was enlisted in writing a daily blog for her high school English Class. Unfortunately, it was an English Honors class, further showing the degredation of our nation's Public School System. I'd hate to know how mediocre the regular class is.
Here is the prompt: If You Heard There Was a Plague in LA, Where Would You Go?
THE RESPONSE:
"Ummm, since I am totally terrified of death, I would have to think of a really good place to go, really far from LA and from the epidemic plague thing and the undocumented immigrants who probably brought the disease through one of the Los Angeles area ports and spread it through the sewer system and the burritos. It couldn't be Victorville either because there's a bunch of freakin' hillbillies there.
So, ummm, I would gather all of my things, especially my brand new Gucci shoes, my phone, my dog Leonardo Christopher Shannanay Nicoli Jimenez Ricardo, and my boyfriend, cause he's a keeper - well, after he looses a couple pounds and learns how to not ejaculate prematurely.
But anyways, I would take my prized possessions, and buy my own island, if I didn't already have one at the time, because that is something I have always wanted to purchase. Haha. Like the ones off the coast of Dubai that are shaped like the world, yeah that is where I would go if a plague came to LA.
I think it would be pretty cool. Just me, my man bitch, and my most important baby Leo. If for some reason food became scarce, my dog Leo and I would eat him first, because he is a disposable commodity after I become pregnant and repopulate the island. It would be called [my cousin's name] island because I am a princess, and since the island would be off the coast of Dubai, when my boyfriend pisses me off I would send his ass away to get more shoes or makeup or whatever other necessities I need to be replenished.
Although come to think of it, I would like to go to a wet mountainous region. I would want it to be sort of like the jungle, kind of like the jungle book except Mowgli or that tarzan guy would be over eighteen and look fine fine fine and not like that one prepubescent twerp in the animated movie. It would have lush surroundings with very green vegetation. It would be a fertile land and have plenty of water in the form of streams, waterfalls, pond thingies and the water would be filtered so I could drink it and bathe in it. Although if Evian Corp. wanted to send me a gazillion cubic foot tank that might also work too, as long as the water is not bottled anywhere near Los Angeles or Latin America, cause this one time in Venezuela I got really really sick from whatever bacteria they have in the water and the locals are unfortunately accustomed to.
However, in that mountainous region, like my island, there would be a beach nearby just in case I wanna tan, and so I could have fresh sushi but close enough where it didn't bother me. So my fantasy place would be like the island of The Incredibles. I would want it to be very very simple...but technologically advanced and top of the line. Something like a device to cool the sand so I could walk on it in a hot day would be nice, while the island still looked lush and primitive like the beaches on the Mexican West Coast or Nicaragua.
The most important thing would be little treehouse cabana type things, covered with white linens, and equipped with champagne and cabana boys who feed me frozen grapes. It would be just me and my lover on the island with our male servants so I don't have to worry about him cheating. If he cheats on me with one of the cabana boys, or at worst, my dog, he will totally be executed.
And I would have perfect boobs and all the relaxed linen Tommy Bahama clothes, shoes, and accessories I could ever want!
Man, that would be the life. I would do this regardless of the plague."
"Fuck you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room." --to Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), during a testy exchange about immigration legislation
