Fabulous Realities

Mar 15 2007

Back in the 10th Grade, we had this snooty British teacher for English named Mrs. Katrina Atsinger. She always made sure we knew she had "Hons" (whatever that means) from Oxford in English Language & Literature as she pranced delicately around the room like a gazelle far removed from her heat.

Anyway, we had an assignment that Mrs. Atsinger demanded we do over Christmas Break: look out for "Fabulous Realities". Fabulous realities are kind of like the ironic and hypocritical things people do that totally contrast with what they say they do or believe. It's like finding a militant vegan you know eating a bucket of chicken at KFC.

So I've found some "fabulous realities" over here at Berkeley that I've elected to share:

ONE
Ryan Seacrest......................(okay, I kid).

TWO
I came across a chick with a shirt entitled "be compassionate, go Vegan" outside of Moffitt today. That's fine except for the fact that she was brooding under that big tree outside FSC smoking a cigarette! When I think of Veganism, I think of people who are concerned with good health and the well being of their bodies. What's the point of not ingesting meat if smoking is doubly unhealthful for your body? Where's the "compassion" for your body? Who cares about saving a fucking chicken if you're going to die of lung cancer? Not only that, but she looked brooding and weird like those PETA people who only care about animals and not about people...not to mention she looked gaunt and unhealthy.

THREE
So I was walking down Shattuck after having ingested about 60 oz worth of ice and Coke (about two months ago). It was about 35 Deg F outside, I was shivering & seizuring from all the ice, and I had a sweater and a hoodie on with the hood wrapped tightly around my head. Now get ready for this: at about Center Street, some guy wearing a blue "Environment" t-shirt with about 10 face piercings approaches me (like those fuckers on Sproul), must have noticed my extreme cold and wrapping, and still has the balls to ask: "Care to help fight global warming?" Are you fucking serious? I gave him a cold piercing stare for about 15 seconds, and finally ask "Are you serious?". He apparently doesn't understand what a extremely inconvenient time (no pun intended) that was for him to ask and seemed to be confused. No I don't care to right now, Mr. Greenpeace (I want to go home and heat myself in the bathtub). I scoffed and walked away from the ultra-left element. It seems as if Berkeley liberals are latching onto global warming like Bill Clinton latches onto heavyset Jewish interns.

FOUR

Violent Anti-War activists (not to mention Cindy Sheehan's association with the Chavez-Mahmoud alliance)

FIVE
Al Gore transferring from his Prius to Private Gulfstream Jet...on the way to a Global Warming Conference! (any efficiency Al Gore has gotten in the lifetime of his Prius is immediately eradicated by one trip in his Gulfstream jet).

SIX
Teddy Kennedy talking about preserving life. That's rich.


That's all I can think of right now. Kudos to anyone who can think of any more.